I originally was going to post today about elemental magick, having already done much research and organized some of my helpful spells to share. Then Spirit said no and I was going to write about appropriation. As I was researching, the full moon’s waxing grew heavier upon my heart and chaos swirled around me. Even as I write this the weather here is chaotic and torrential rains plummet the earth and thunder shakes the air as I look on from within the relative safety and comfort of my home. Spirit says to reflect on my actions to be certain. So I am heeding her call. And I am called to share this work with you for some reason. It’s honest and gritty and writing about other topics today would feel like I am hiding from that.
This week has been filled with potential triggers littered like land mines around every blind corner. I knew some were coming and was prepared. Some I did not see coming and was shocked by the loss that followed. I have found when I have a lot on my plate, I have to budget which triggers I can allow to take up space and time in my life.
But when some triggers did not make the budget cut, they continued to reappear, demanding my attention. These triggers reminded me of my own mishandling of people, my deficiencies, my pride, and my ego gone awry. I have failed often at holding myself to the standard I strive for, and I know I will again.
That said, this particular week (and I am still assessing as honestly as I can) I believe I have held myself to the standard (or as Pete Walker’s inner critic work might say “good enough standard”) for which I strive. Sometimes when we work magick for triggers, we find that the magick has little to none of the expected power. That’s because the magick we are working manifests to strengthen weaknesses in ourselves, not others.
We cannot control others physically or with magick, in any way. We can try (not recommended), but others are in charge of their own actions, responses, and choices. If we are in a space of accepting things as they are, we are already walking fully in the power of our own magick. It’s as good as we can do and chaos may swirl around us, but we cannot change that. We can only protect ourselves from the chaos and its impact on us.
So, I am accepting the sorrow and loss that came from all this and I have pulled cards to listen to what Spirit wants me to focus on as I move through this transition, which involved the loss of yet another teacher I highly respected. The message from Spirit was clear, and had already been delivered previously by a cherished witch friend who pulled cards for me on this same issue yesterday. What others think of me is none of my business. All I can do, when given negative information of their view of me, is acknowledge the reality and move forward with my own path. Sometimes Spirit makes our paths diverge. So, I move forward in peace and love and in Spirit’s will. There is no anger, bitterness, or demand for change.
I saw something Lindsay Mack said on her Instagram that really struck a chord with me after some disappointing experiences with a couple of teachers in the witch community. She said “here’s to the continued de-gurification of teachers”. Lindsay, thank you. I needed to hear that. Teachers are human and in this community it is especially important, given the subjective and eclectic way of witchcraft, that we do not fall into the very things that most of us rejected when we became a witch – conformation and groupthink. The community I hope I am a part of in this vibrant witch community is one that is inclusionary, without dogma, and without judgment and condescension. No one in this community has “all the answers”. That’s not what this craft is. It is a search for answers within ourselves and from the universe, the very opposite of dogma.
I am not a guru or teacher. I am simply a person with complex trauma who is messily but intentionally finding ways to combine CPTSD tools with magick and create a toolkit that is helping me tremendously to take back my own power that was there all along. But that may not be for anyone. It may not be for everyone. All of that is okay and right. Regardless, I press on, following Spirit’s call to share my passion and the creative tools which she reveals to me.
I hope it does touch someone, but if not, it’s good enough just to have the catharctic outlet of this blog. I am good enough and I will continue putting forth my good intentions and hoping for the universe to respond in kind.
Even as I close this writing, the storms have passed overhead and the rain has slowed to a gentle pattering that is almost soothing. I feel refreshed and renewed. I feel “good enough” and “just right”. I hear Spirit. In this moment, I am exactly what I am supposed to be.
Best Blessings Wild Ones,
Disclaimer: The content on this website blog and within The Tao of Witchcraft is not intended to and cannot replace appropriate professional medical or psychological treatment. This content is developed by a trauma survivor who uses witchcraft as one of many tools, including CBT and EMDR therapy, to heal from complex trauma. As with any tool, your success may vary.
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